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Saturday, July 29, 2006

MEL'S GOT A PRAYER 

Hell's a poppin' between Hezbollah and Israel and the carnage has become so fierce that Hell decided to get 'the itself out' and relocate to California the past two weeks.

The State Department has apparently been using the "Enron Accounting Cookbook" and the question, "Is Mel Gibson really an anti-semite or just a crazy christian zealot with a martyr complex?", has been answered in the' you better believe it' affirmative.

I especially admire his 'sugar tits" remark to the female cop. Forget a blood alcohol test, lack of wit is as true an indicator of intoxication as anything a lab has to offer.

I couldn't tie these three stories together in an incoherent way much less something that makes an inkling of sense. Besides, it's still hotter than a whore house on dollar day here in SOCAL and my brain has begun a wild cat strike due to inhuman working conditions.

Remember: I'm writing this with a scab working between my ears.

So, Mel succumbed to the local climactic BBQ and decided to have a few drinks of a beverage he wouldn't have chose if the temperature hadn't par boiled his gray matter. The booze shot past what was left of his mind and raced instantly to his tongue where a latent pool of vitriol for the Hebrew faith had been festering for weeks.

While watching CNN in a Malibu oasis, images of the conflict in the Holy Land, combined with the 9 pints of Guiness, flipped Gibson's inhibition switch to the off position and he was seized by the compelling idea that driving while drunk might get him arrested. This would present an opportunity to unleash a torrent of Jew bashing (and other spleen ventilating verbage) in front of cops who might be video taping the whole thing. this, thought Gibson, would be a perfect way to stir up some free publicity for his next movie, "Apocalypto".

The following morning, his head ringing like the dinner bell at the Ponderosa, Gibson regrets his choice of beverages and realizes his career is deep doo-doo. Much to his surprise, a newspaper story reports that the State Department has been using creative accounting to hide major cost over-runs in the Iraqi rebuilding process. Gibson is immediately reminded that no Hollywood movie has ever shown an actual profit on a balance sheet and that his attornies, Goldberg, Feldman and Sokoloff, along with his accountants, Fielding, Abelov and Horowitz will make things right in the world--even if Jesus tells him to take a hike..

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