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Sunday, February 19, 2006

ORANGE VEST ALERT 

The original press release the Cheney crew was hoping to let loose on the world.

February 12, 2006
Some God Forsaken Acreage Owned by a Rich Republican Contributor, Texas

Vice President Dick Cheney, in an act of courage, cool and daring, prevented the assassination of prominent Austin Attorney , Harry Whittington, by gunning down an elite team of Al-Qaeda terrorist quail. Cheney managed to recognize and shoot down 3 members of the Jihadist Aviary, including the organization's # 2 bird, as they were attempting a suicide attack aimed at the 78 year old Whittington.

Al Bobwhite-Bizarre, reputed mastermind of the 2004 Piazza Navaro pigeon poop massacre in Rome and the 2005 death of the French Minister of Statuary in the Place de la Concorde in Paris, was positively identified as one of 3 birds killed by the vice-president. CIA Director, Porter Goss, said on Sunday that the agency took Cheney's word for that the quail were Al-Qaeda. " Works for me. No reason to pay time and a half over the weekend to some junior analyst just to make it an official ID. Dick knows what he's doing and if he says it's Bobwhite-Bizzare, then I believe him."

Cheney will return to Washington at some point in the coming year. The White House, as has become the custom, refuses to give details citing national security and telling reporters to check various states bird hunting seasons for clues as to the Veeps return.


Whittington, who was ever so slightly injured in the attack, commended Cheney on his quick reaction and thanked the Veep profusely for saving his life. "Dick is a hero to many Americans. Any man who can flunk out of Yale twice, get 5 Vietnam deferments and shoot as good as he does should be an inspiration to all."

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