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Wednesday, June 29, 2005

BRING OUT YOUR DUMB AND DUMBERER 

Yesterday the White House pumped out a press release informing the world our Fearless Leader was going to "present a clear strategy on Iraq" via a televised address emanating from Fort Bragg.

The first thing to come to mind was George II was finally admitting his Iraq strategy (if it existed to begin with) was muddier than the Tigris in rain season. What a novel concept: start a war then wait two plus years to come up with a clear plan. Oops!! The opaque scheme isn't working; quick, get some paper towels and a bottle of Windex.

The second spark to light in my cranium gave him points for picking a captive audience who wouldn't or couldn't boo him back to D.C.

After hearing what was essentially a long winded attempt to deflect attention from this monumental blunder by rekindling the same fear mongering falsehoods which got him re-elected, it's perfectly clear that the "strategy" is to bludgeon America with a rhetorical mendacity that can be summed up thus: the public is dumber than a post, brick, ox, box of rocks, wet cement, Tom Cruise or the dirt on the White House lawn.

What the president's speech inferred was: "Thanking God Almighty that Michael Jackson, psychotic fiancees and Oprah's current fighting weight are more important to the chuckleheads who voted me my 'political capital' than six years of blowing smoke up your collective skirt. I'm just gonna keep telling y'all that Iraq and 911 are one and the same, freedom depends on starting wars where my campaign contibutors can clean up afterward and oh, don't question me because my intentions have the blessing of Jesus. Billy Graham told me so."

The plan is clear all right. Just keep bending over America and learn to like it.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

VARIOUS & SUNDAY 


What's up with the electronic media and missing white women? With the coverage the networks are giving to these stories you'd think this was a national epidemic. I wonder how many black women disappear every day? Latinas? Eskimonas?

First it was a panicked bride from Atlanta who didn't want to get married in the first place (trust me on this one) and went Greyhound. Next its the young woman from Atlanta who is missing in Aruba. One a farce and the other a tragedy, yet they hardly deserve national attention.

There is still $9 billion dollars missing from the Iraqi reconstruction fund intended to help get that country back on its feet after we clobbered it. Why isn't Wolf Blitzer reporting every night from Fallujah, Masul or Baghdad on the missing billions? I see Fox hasn't sent Alan Colmes to Iraq to help in that search.


Let's give credit for the war in Iraq, a crappy economy and the ongoing erosion of privacy rights where it is due -- Billy Graham. Yes indeed, our domestic propserity, world standing and FBI peek-a-boo into our reading selections at the public library is owed to America's evangelist laureate, advisor to Presidents and crusader for Christ who is , according to media reports, holding his last altar call this weekend in NY/NJ.

(I wouldn't bet on it. Press speculation on Graham's retirement has been wasting ink and trees for twenty years. Only The Who have had more farewell tours than the Billy G. show)

If it's true that America's evangelist laureate was the catalyst in Bush's conversion from boozing, bumbling family embarassment to sober, (dry drunk?) Bible thumping, self rightous threat to start Armageddon, then Graham should be singled out for his contribution to life as we now know it

Billy, thanks for saving George's soul, setting him on the straight and narrow minded path to the Presidency and helping to further the gap between those with enough for a thousand and those who can hardly sustain life. I'm sure Jesus would be proud.

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