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Saturday, April 02, 2005

IN LIKE A LION, OUT LIKE A CADAVER 

This week the obits pages were as crowded as Kirstie Alley's dinner plate. Death certificates were issued for Johnnie Cochran, Terri Shiavo, Mitch Hedberg, Frank Perdue and Akira Yoshizawa, the father of modern origami who was able to do what Tojo was not, inflict widespread psychological damage to an entire generation of young American males who when confounded with this sixth grade art project fled to the playground for a hit off a roach.


As of this writing we're still waiting for the week's grand finale. John Paul II hangs tight to existence despite seemingly coming apart like a cartoon clock splattered by an anvil. So far the College of Cardinals hasn't seen the need to deliver the pillow treatment and begin sending smoke up the Sistine chimney. Their patience may be thinning and so might the Pope's oxygen.

By the way, is anyone disturbed by the fact that so many people seem to give a damn about the demise of a reactionary autocrat who oversaw the cover up of institutionalized child abuse?

I haven't stopped in to see what condition Jerry Falwell's condition is in, but I'm hoping he's being attended to by a 6' 3" transexual Puerto Rican who is perpetually singing from the La Cage aux Folles songbook.

Thursday, March 31, 2005

TOO DAMN LUCKY, OR TOO DAMN GOOD 

Pardon this conspiratorial fairy dust, but how is it that Teri Schiavo moves to the great beyond right at the moment as the release of the long delayed bi-partisan report ( it was ready before the election but never saw the light of day) concluding the intelligence the president used to justify an invasion of Iraq grades out as an emphatic 'F'.

Ain't that the darndest coincidence? And of course, the mainstream media fixates on the corpse and relegates the lack of intelligence report to a soundbite.

The president hasn't apologize for sending 1500 Americans to their deaths by way of the false information Dick Cheney was squeezing out of the CIA and Defense Department. He stays 'on message' and removed from any personal culpability by spinning the report as an administration success aimed at overhauling a broken spy aparatus. What a turd.

Bush spent most of the day waxing moral on the 'culture of life' which good, earnest, faux hillbilly accented and well meaning hypocrites like himself, Tom Delay and brother Jeb find politically expedient.

Terri Schiavo will be a be a MAJOR MONEY MAKER for the Christian Funny Mentalist and their Republican servants for years to come.

By the way, did anyone see Karl Rove running from the hospice this morning?

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

CHICKEN HAWKS IN THE HEN HOUSE 

More bad news for tried and true institutions. The former national program director of the Boy Scouts of America has been convicted of possession and distribution of ......boy sex pictures. Douglas Smith, of Dallas had led the Scout's Youth Protection Task Force designed to help protect youngins' from people like, well like Douglas Smith.

If you look closely, I believe you can see the Merit Badge for Kiddie Porn.


That visit by Jesse Jackson sure made a difference. I see they instantly reinserted Terri's feeding tube and begged for Jesse's forgivene... what? Didn't happen, eh?

I'm surprised he didn't hit up the Schindlers for a donation.

Who's next in line for some prime camera time, Martha Stewart? Donald Trump? Hey, where's Al Sharpton when you need some comic relief disguised as gravitas?

I'm now officially concerned about Terri Schiavo's mother, Mary Schindler.

The poor woman has been photographed and video taped every day for over a month and each time it's a shot of her crying. And rightly so given what she's been thorough. However, she's been shedding tears like an onion peeler who's been pepper sprayed. I'm begging to wonder who might succumb to dehydration first.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

A TRUE FINISH LINE 

It's an ICU and ICU race to the promised land for two of God's top earning salesmen, Pope John Paul II and Jerry Falwell. Who will be first to find out whose God is holding forth over the undiscovered country?

Will it be the Polish Pontiff of Patriarchy or the Hillbilly Hate Monger?
Will both buy it at the same time only to find out that Allah rules?

Will Falwell's childhood pet, Faggot Killer the doberman, be waiting for him at the pearly gates? Will Karl Wojtyla have to explain all those pedophile priests?

Or will they both have to fight this guy for an audience?

WHORE TO THE CORE 

The man is an insatiable publicity vulture; feckless, crude and and always on the lookout to exploit the emotionally disraught to reinforce his image as man of the cloth . If he isn't busy extorting cash for Operation Push, he's combing the headlines for his next messianic appearance and free air time.

He conveniently showed up after the battle had been fought and declared himself in allegiance with the grieving parents. Nice work if you can get it.

There's farce, there's high farce, then there is Jesse Jackson.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

VARIOUS & SUNDAY 

Here's some more gasoline for the fire: If Michael Schiavo is hooked to a feeding tube and his cerebral cortex has been used motor oil for years, do the Christian Funny Mentalists and Congressional camera vultures go constitution bashing to sustain his pulse? Do they characterize his wife, Terri, as an evil, self serving accessory to murder?

Just when you thought it wasn't confusing enough, here is an old Nat Hentoff piece to further muddy the waters. Unfortunatley, I can't find any follow-up.

Anyone notice Torquemada Gonzales and his Justice Department have given the Schiavo juggernaut a wide berth? Apparently, the administration recognizes that a history of promoting torture and the execution of the mentally retarded aren't reconcilable with right to life issues.

Seems steroids aren't as big a problem as they were a week ago. Not much in the papers on on the net about Canseco, McGwire or the poisoning of American youth. I wonder what happened? Oh, another grandstanding opportunity elsewhere? You don't say.

For a guy who makes a living selling the afterlife as the ultimate vacation, John Paul II is mighty reluctant to pack his bags and head to the terminal.

Jesse and Michael: The king of Black People converses with the King of Pop. If two delusional people are talking in the forest, do the trees use ear plugs?

"Warrior"? I didn't know NAMBLA had a militia.

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