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Saturday, January 22, 2005

GAYBRAHAM LINCOLN? 

I hope that Abraham Lincoln was gay.

Really, no lie.

I’m hoping he was as a queer as a three dollar bill with Harvey Fierstein’s picture, that he cruised gay taverns in villages not named Greenwich and that he was a writing a musical before he died.

If Abe was really “Gabe”, then the homophobic whack jobs in the religious right who proudly affix themselves to the Republican Party might just choke to death on their sanctimonious fantasy that God hates fags. This would certainly be a step in the right direction. Losing these losers to death by self inflicted self righteousness might spare the rest of us from the seemingly relentless flood of lunatic diatribes about the possible homoerotic sensibilities of Tele-Tubbies and the pro-gay subtext of a Sponge Bob Square Pants video.

Proof of a gay Lincoln would certainly shrivel the sphincters of many of the hypocrites in the GOP who have shamelessly turned to God for electoral clout and are more than happy to accept PAC money in exchange for some Biblically inspired intolerance.

If it’s true that Lincoln was swinging from both sides of the rail splitter, then his emancipating may not have ended with his great proclamation.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

DEAR GOD, 

Please smite some of your followers, starting with these folks.

Thanks

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