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Friday, February 20, 2004

GOT HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE? 

Despite over 3000 same sex weddings having been performed in San Francisco city hall over the past two weeks, it appears that an angry and vengeful God has witheld his wrath.

The Christian Funny Mentalists are still bleating in full voice that we are facing the end of times (What, no more NASCAR?) and civilization as they know it (Slim Jims, Waffle Houses and hypocrits in pulpits). Yet, I haven't seen any manifestation of an unravelling in the fabric of our society in the past fortnight but maybe we should wait until the honeymoons are over. If truth be known, there is some evidence that homosexuals will be just as litigous and antagonistic in their relationships as their straight bretheren.

But if the radical right is hoping for an antagonistic sign from heaven, this week's confirmation that the universe continues to expand and the Yankees still have more money than God, can't be good news.

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

I PROMISE TO CHERISH, LOVE AND PAY WITH MASTERCARD 

Dear Arnold,

Now that San Francisco is marrying gays and lesbians as fast as city hall can collect the $82 fee, I figure the state has a first rate opportunity to help reduce the deficit. By ignoring the constitution (and let's face it, any part of the state constitution that impairs raising much needed cash should get tossed, pronto) and making California a gay marriage haven, we can start on the path to economic recovery.

How much do you think a gay couple in Atlanta is willing to pay for nuptials in San Francisco? $250? $500? $1000?; Or a lesbian couple from Dallas, or Detroit, or Salt Lake City? A fee for out of state lovers could be a huge source of revenue and help revive the moribund tourist industry in SF.

San Francisco could become the Las Vegas of same sex nuptials: Wedding Chapels for (and with) Chaps; Dyke Drive & Bike Throughs; "Quick- Before They Sober -Up" instant hitches. Who needs slot machines and black jack tables, we're talking about the greatest gamble of them all - - Love!

Let me run a few numbers by you. 2.3 million couples a year get married in the US. If we use the generally accepted figure that 10% of the population is gay or lesbian, there could be upwards of 230,000 gay marriages to officiate on an annual basis. For discussion's sake, let’s charge a couple $500 for the privilege of getting wed in the only state that will allow same sex nuptials. That’s $115 million right into the states piggy bank. And that doesn’t count what they will spend to stay for the weekend, week or however long they choose. If they just fork over another $1000 on the trip, that’s $230 million more into the local economy.

Now here’s the kicker, if the couple decides to divorce, they have to come back to California because no other state recognizes their marriage. We have them over a barrel at that point and charge them double, or triple the marriage fee to dissolve the marriage!!! If the 50 % divorce rate for first time hetero marriages carries over to homos, then it won't be long before we begin seeing 115,000 dissolutions per year. At $1000 per split, the state collects another $230 million.

So let's get Caleeefornia moving again -- before the courts catch on.











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