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Saturday, June 21, 2003

THE NEW DREAD SCARE





Drifting down the current list of Amazon’s 100 top sellers, one might easily conclude that Democrats and the left are under some serious shelling from the right.

After slashing your way through the jungle of all things Harry Potter, the usual collections of Get Rich the Enron Way and Thin Again by Tonight: Just like this 19 year old Model/Gymnast/Marathon Runner on the Cover!, just about everything political comes with a free machete dipped in liberal blood.

Only Hillary Clinton's Living History, Sydney Blumenthal’s Clinton Wars, and Robert Dallek's An Unfinished Life: JFK, offer anything approaching a favorable treatment of leadership associated with the Democratic Party.

Conservative pundits dominate the list with titles that demonize anyone, or any idea, to the left of General Jack D. Ripper. The titles are real, the descriptions are speculative:


Treason: Liberal Treachery from the Cold War to the War on Terrorism (How the left has destroyed western civilization, the 5 cent cigar and made Michael Moore a millionaire.)

Off With Their Heads: Traitors, Crooks and Obstructionists in American Politics, Media and Business (Dick Morris claims the left has joined forces with Al Queda, Hamas, Shining Path, Beider-Meinhoff Gang and managed to resurrect the Black Panthers since 9/11. Huh? No hookers?)

Dereliction of Duty (The Clinton Administration screws the pooch on national security while screwing …oh, never mind)

Slander: Liberal Lies About the American Right (Explaining the left’s deceptive campaign to label the right lactose intolerant)

High Crimes and Misdemeanors: The Case Against Bill Clinton (More evidence that Bill inhaled and practiced bad etiquette)

Let Freedom Wring: Winning the War of Liberty over Liberalism (Another Fox News celebrity wraps his self in the flag and counts the royalties.)

Hillary’s Scheme: Taking the White House (Repeat after me, “Democrats ‘scheme’, Republicans ‘plan’. “

Shrink Your Female Fat Zones (How the left has made women vulnerable to fatty deposits that look like hell in hip-huggers.)


How can the left compete? Conservatives are dumping blood in the shark tank while the liberals are still fighting under the Marquess of Queensbury.


Conclusion: The left badly needs a publishing makeover (I looked, there are no publishing makeover books available) and in the interest of fair play and reminding the country that House Majority Leader Tom Delay wants to “ see the gap close between church and state”, I’m lending a helping pen.




The Republican/Conservative/Christian Conspiracy to Assassinate Harry Potter: How the Right Wants to Make Your Children Cry, Incessantly (A chronicle of the right’s efforts to ban all reading material that DOES NOT glowingly refer to the Book of Revelations or the Patriot Act).

Texas Terminator:Tom Delay’s Secret Plan to Exterminate Democrats (How the former pest control executive is using Biblical prophecy and DDT to keep Democrats from getting to House floor for important votes.

Cheney, 9/11 and all those Damn Pop-Up Ads for Web Cams (What did Dick Cheney know ahead of time? Is Halliburton a major source of web cams? Will Patriot Act 2 require Americans to spy on themselves?)

Condi, Colin and Cloning (Recently uncovered documents show that the Republican Party is sponsoring cloning research to insure that the conservatives have a continuous supply of black candidates and appointees for the 21st century)

Racists, Right Wingers, Corporate Lackeys and Apocalypse Pushers (A child’s guide to the radical right. A family fun book designed for parents to educate their children on their conservative political leadership. A “cut and paste blank book”, RRCAP provides convenient page titles where your child can keep newspaper and magazine articles on all the subjects that make the radical right such a dangerous force in American politics: Sign of Beast, Enron and Babylon-They Rhyme!!!; Dividend Tax Cuts & Preserving Family Estate Values; John Ashcroft, Cooties & the Bill of Rights.



It’s a start Dems, you have a long way to go, but with fear at an all time high, you have nothing to lose but your dignity.


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